Sunday, October 3, 2010
A new post. A new beginning.
The unexpected accident involving the Singaporean student in London reading medicine in Cambridge made me realise one thing. Life can be really unpredictable, and just one thing can just take away everything that we have ever worked hard for. She was a straight A's student from RGS, RJC, on an ASTAR science scholarship, studying medicine at cambridge. Those are want I've always wanted, but at the end of the day, she lost all of those, including her own life, in just one accident. She had so much potential in her life but she couldn't live it out. This made me realise that I don't have those, but at least I still have my life. I should just treasure life and whatever that comes with it. I gave up those scholarships and overseas education opportunities and I will just stick to my decisions. no point keep thinking about them and regretting because life won't move on if I keep thinking. Life's short enough, I don't need to make it even shorter. One more thing, life's full of surprises, maybe it will give me a sweet and unexpected surprise one day.
Y9:03 PM
Monday, September 20, 2010
Ever since I watched that show, I've been having this feeling that I can't really describe. I haven't had such feelings for a show before. I don't know why I feel like this but I really really like it. Maybe its because the story line is nice, maybe its really funny and the actress is really pretty. and i start to think how nice it would be if I was her and the story is real. the past two weeks since i watched it I have always been feeling something is missing in my life, i really want a life like that, and its on my mind 24 hrs everyday. i can't stop thinking about it and its irritating me. I've been running on autopilot mode everyday i realise, and i can't seem to be interested in anything but that show. i've lost my motivation to study, to carry on with my life, because i want a life like in the show. and its stressing me out because i can't be having exams yet keep thinking about it because my results will be affected. I don't know how to find back that spark to keep me going and keep me motivated to achieve my goals.
I'm ranting here coz this blog is inactive and i don't think anyone's reading it haha.
Y9:17 PM
Monday, April 12, 2010
Anw 2010 really sucks. life's so busy that I haven't had the time to reconnect with friends. it feels like i haven't really talked to anyone (like meaningful talk) in a really long time coz life's so busy that once you get sucked into the rat race you can't get out. seriously i need to really catch up with old friends but i can't do it this holiday coz of the US trip and stupid cts that test like almost every chapter since j1. i really can't wait to finish a's and get out of vj so that i can go work in a bridal agency or something haha.
Y10:17 PM
I have this super complicated lifeplan that I made and I'm really really confused haha
you see, after a long long round, I finally came back to my initial plan, to study medicine, coz after so long and while in the process of making other plans, I realised that what I really wanted was medicine. haha so i decided to settle on medicine. but the thing is, NUS medicine's really hard to get it. so of course i need to make plans if i dun get in. so i was considering going overseas to study medicine, but then its going to be expensive coz there are no scholarships available, and that it will be hard for me to practise in singapore. so if i don't study medicine, i'll study some science degree then if i still want medicine, i can still choose to study in graduate medical school in Duke-NUS or overseas. but if i were to study a science degree, then I don't really feel like going NUS coz I'd rather go overseas to study instead not really because NUS is not that good but really for the exposure. then i'll need to apply for scholarship and apply to overseas uni by this sept. but I can't apply for them so early coz I won't know whether i can get into NUS med. then if i can get in nus med, then i'll have wasted my time plus other people time to help me get ready me applications. haha confused? yea i'm equally confused and lost too. so how? should I still apply for scholarships and UK unis or wait until next year when i find out whether i can get into NUS med first then see how? so if i can't get in, then I'll apply to go overseas in the following year, which is 2012. then i'll have wasted a year. haha.
anw, shall leave this for this week. think about it few weeks later haha or maybe after i come back from the US trip to see if i can study overseas in the first place haha
Y9:44 PM
Sunday, February 21, 2010
CTs are in two weeks time and I haven't really started studying. haha great.
plus I kinda didn't listen to all the new physics and econs lectures so I'm damn confused now haha. I keep telling myself to start listening but it doesn't seem to work.
Don't know why but my year has been pretty screwed up. Academically it's still quite ok but it wasn't as good as last year. then training. Kinda lost my motivation to train already. Not because of the bronze medal but the fact that we only got a bronze. I think there's this emotional barrier that keeps telling me that I suck. I think the reason is that I'm not improving, rather, I'm getting worse. and I keep getting trashed by my sparring partner:( I fenced really badly during novices. and yes. you don't have to tell me in my face that its my fault. I know it myself. reverse psychology freaking doesn't work on me. it backfires. its my mental side that's pulling me back. and of course, lack of training. but I can't train coz CTs are coming up. Its not that I don't want to train. I hate it when people start questioning my commitment towards fencing. but what the freak, I know it myself can already. and somehow my intuition tells me coach gave up on me. its making everything worse.
And then it's that problem. I just want to fence ok, not think so much about other stuff. and its giving me a lot of stress. he's not giving up and I really don't want to hurt him again. it freaking spoiled my CNY holiday. thinking about that. i don't know what to do and its kind of irritating me.
Y1:21 AM
Monday, February 1, 2010
Recently I did an essay on how Singaporeans are apathetic towards politics. And today we were talking about how chang isn't so bad, but only because we were horrible to him.
Well, I think Singaporeans aren't apathetic towards politics, just not thinking critically. The ST isn't pro-government, they're just trying to remain neutral and give people a balanced view point. Maybe I'm more towards the anti side, but it is true that gov isn't reading too much comments that are against it. That's why the opposition parties are there for, but they don't seem to be doing too much. I think people should read the online citizen, it gives both the good side and the bad side and really just reports the truth as it is. since it is an online media, there isn't much gatekeeping as it is not censoring anything. the comments that its readers post are even more interesting:)
Y11:58 PM
Thursday, January 28, 2010
a day at the hospital wasn't as bad as I thought. Initially I was pretty afraid of what's going to happen to me and it just caught me so unexpectedly. the pain wasn't that bad, just the little discomfort of having something stuck in your hand and not able to move it however i want to. But nevertheless, what really touched me was the concern that the nurses, the service staff, the sister showed me. not really the doctors though. i hardly even saw my doctor for at least 10 mins. but anyway, the nurses, especially the ones on night duty the first night i was there, were really funny and tried to make me more comfortable and relaxed. then the next morning, the nurse on duty was really busy but it was kinda cute that she kept having to check my tag for my name before giving me my injection and medication. like again and again. haha and she didn't let me walk. but oh well, i guess she was just being safe. the service staff, even the auntie cleaning the floor was really nice and concerned. and the sister who went around everyone's bed and asked them how they were and chatted with me. then on the second night, the nurse was nice too and kept asking if i was alright when injecting the last bout of antibiotics. then she took out the IV thing. haha like finally. i was waiting for that the moment they stuck it in me haha.
Anyway, what i really want to say is: Thank you, everyone. especially my parents and my sister and my grandma and my aunties and everyone else. my parents had to work the next day yet they stayed with me till like 12 and my mom was kinda busy so she brought her laptop with her to work. then my sis who came straight after work even if she had a half day off to come visit me and i could see how tired she was as she fell asleep on my bed. then my aunt and grandma who came around noon to bring me (nice) food and accompany me because I was so bored there. yup, so thanks everyone, even for the small small things that you all have done for me, even for helping me plug my computer coz i couldn't do it myself.
i feel kind of bad because i insisted to go for the bbq which caused the whole thing. and the bill came up to a thousand plus for just one day at the hospital. luckily there was partial insurance coverage.
But I think it was a small blessing in disguise. after staying in bed for the whole day, i think my achilles heel finally recovered. but I can't go for training yet. so which means when i go for novices on sunday, provided I recover in time, I will be kind of going there unprepared. but nevertheless, I rather try my best there than withdraw from it which would be giving up. even if i don't come back with a medal, at least i can say that i tried my best, but due to unforeseen circumstances, things don't always go the way i want them to. I can only hope for the best.
Y1:09 PM
